Episode 3: “Carpet” Setting: Sick Bay. Heather had just been badly wounded in a freak energy burst, damaging her artificial brain and leaving her struggling for life with no body functions whatsoever. Heather= “Blaaaaaaagh..” Dr. Crusher= “NO! We’re going to lose her!” Riker= “Beverly, you have to do something! This is our Captain!” Dr. Crusher= “How was I supposed to know she had an artificial brain?! Geeze, that energy burst overloaded the circuits and made all the diodes explode...” Riker= “Do you know what you’re talking about?!” Dr. Crusher= “I’m not a neurosurgeon or whatever they’re called... technically I’m a medic! One that slipped into the rank of doctor by pure intelligence!” Riker= “Well, yeah, you have to be smart to become a doctor...” Dr. Crusher= “Whatever! What I mean is, there’s nothing I can do to help her! Her artificial brain is offline, completely shut down! She’s not breathing, her heart’s not beating, and there’s nothing I can do! I’m incompetent! I’m one huge disappointment! No wonder my father disowned me when I was fourteen, he knew what I would grow up to be! My lord...” Riker= “There there, Beverly, *pats her on the back* We all lose one sometime or another.” *Heather’s life beeping thing:* beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. *suddenly all of Heather’s view is filled with darkness.* Heather= “Riker! Gordi! Geeze, even Ensign Crusher! Where the heck are you guys? It’s pitch black in here! What happened to the rabbits we were supposed to help get back into their cages on that highly unstable planet?” *Heather walks around fumbling in the darkness, not knowing where she is or where she is going...* Heather= “Helloooooo.....” Echo= “Helloooooo.....” Heather= “Is anyone there?” Echo= “Is anarchy hare?” Heather= “Geeze even the echoes are faulty...” Echo= “Please, given the geckos are naughty...” *Slowly the darkness started to turn brighter and brighter, until it burned horribly into the cornea of Heather’s eyes, forever burning...* Heather= “Oh God, that’s bright... *averts her eyes*” Unknown voice= “Why, thank you.” Heather= “God! Is that you?!” God?= “Yes, it is.” Heather= “Holy-- uh, God! I’m so sorry I didn’t believe in you and only used your name in vain and never in worship!” God?= “Yes, well stop averting your eyes, it’s embarrassing me!” Heather= “*slowly opening her eyes* AAAAAH! CAYLEY!” *Sure enough, Cayley, Heather’s arch nemesis was standing there, dressed in robes of white making her seem almost invisible in the white atmosphere.* Cayley= “Please be quiet, you’re a little loud...” Heather= “You’re not god!” Cayley= “Yes I am!” Heather= “No you’re not!” Cayley= “*snaps her fingers and two beautiful horses appeared. One was a chestnut, maybe a quarter horse, and the other was beautiful black friesian* You dreamed about these last night, did you not?” Heather= “*gasps* Armande! Diemos! *runs forward and caresses the two animals’ heads.* These... were my horses... how did you know?” Cayley= “Idiot, I am god! And even if you didn‘t believe that, you still know I am Cayley! The same Cayley that bombarded your ship with a force field of Nachos, that turned your entire crew into mexican flamenco dancers, and that gave your ship it‘s own mind in the first place so that your incompetent crew didn‘t smash up years of stupid human invention!” Heather= “But... but... everyone on my crew is special to me! Except stupid Ensign Crusher... Beverly threatened not to rewind my brain every week if he couldn’t come on board...” Cayley= “Ah, your brain. That’s why you’re here.” Heather= “Here? Is this Heaven?” Cayley= “Sort of. People call it that, but technically there is no Heaven. And there’s no Heaven because there isn’t any Hell. So, what would you call this place? Limbo? No, because there’s no where else to go. I guess you’d just call this place... The Afterlife.” Heather= “The Afterlife? It seems awfully boring to me... Wait! I’m dead?” Cayley= “Of course!” Heather= “NO! I am not dead!” Cayley= “Yes you are! *holds up a mirror* Look at your head! Heather= “AAAH!” *Her head was covered in blood and gashes, and shiny bits of metal from her artificial brain glinted in the light as they poke out of the white bone of her skull* Heather= “Ugh... I think I’m going to puke...” Cayley= “Come on, you used to watch people get heart surgery when you were five!” Heather= “Bleeeeh... Geeze! Why am I dead?!” Cayley= “Because you have that annoying artificial brain! Now you have to spend eternity with me!” Heather= “But... but... what if I didn’t have an artificial brain?” Cayley= “You wouldn’t have died! Sure there was an energy surge down on that planet, but it only harmed electrical components, in other words, artificial brains. It wouldn’t have harmed a normal brain at all.” Heather= “But... it seems so stupid... me, the legendary Captain Heather of the USS Enterprise...” Cayley= “There have been hundreds of legendary Captains of the Enterprise...” Heather= “Yeah, but ME, the latest one, dying of... an energy surge, just because of a stupid accident when I was fourteen...” Cayley= “You can change it if you wanted to.” Heather= “...what?!” Cayley= “You could go back and change things in the past.” Heather= “Really? Wow... hey, isn’t that cheating?” Cayley= “In a way, it could be. But I’m God, so it doesn’t matter does it?” Heather= “You mean I could go back in time and cheat on my math exams?” Cayley= “Yep.” Heather= “I could actually marry Joseph Thompson instead of Travis Older?” Cayley= “If you really wanted to, yeah.” Heather= “Wow! So I could go back in time, not do that stupid mistake when I was fourteen, and live instead of die?” Cayley= “That’s the gameplan.” Heather= “Dude! Sign me up!” Cayley= “Wait! There are some catches...” Heather= “I don’t care! Send me back! I want to liiiiiiiive!” Cayley= “Altering the past could have some weird effects on the future...” Heather= “Anything would be a better turnout then this!” Cayley= “Ugh, fine! Back you go!” *There was a blinding flash of light and Cayley disappeared. Heather was in a bathroom stall, one from earth apparently, and things were vaguely familiar.* Heather= “Where... where am I? *Heather looks around and then is shocked to see herself dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt-- 12 years younger!*” Heather= “Oh, crap.” *Heather tediously picks up her backpack at her feet and moves out of the bathroom and into the crowded hallway. Sure enough it was her highschool, and all the students crowding the hallway were from the time of her highschool years. She saw Chris Podesta walk by with his guitar, Ricky Churcher walk by with a friendly smile, Carley Cornell and Carmen Christiansen walk passed, chittering and giggling together. It was the year 2003 at Hatzic Secondary.* Heather= “Oh, crap. *she walked up to Josh Nicholson who was waiting by Ricky’s locker* Urm, what day is it?” Josh= “It’s June 13th, last day of school, day of the math exam? *he stared at her completely perplexed*” Heather= “What?! Oh, no! Craaaaap...” Josh= “Hey, are you alright?” Heather= “No, I am not alright! I haven’t studied math for 10 years...” Josh= “What on earth are you on?!” Heather= “Oh, crap... sorry Josh, just messing with you! When’s my math exam?” Josh= “They’re all happening next block in various rooms... I thought you knew that!” Heather= “Erm, must’ve slipped my mind, hehe! Oh well, see you later Josh!” Heather= “*Walks away, thinking.* My god, this is where I killed my brain! I went into the math exam too stupid and my brain overloaded and exploded! Crap! How can I fit a year’s worth of studying into.... twelve minutes?! Noooooo!” *Heather starts stampeding towards the library. Upon reaching it she roots around in her bag for her math textbook, when... it wasn’t there!* Heather= “Crap! They must’ve collected them already... no, how can I avoid this?” *Heather wastes twelve minutes moping and crying in the library when the bell rings. She stands and goes to Ms. Mar’s room from memory, and sits down with the rest of her math class.* Ms. Mar= “You all know the rules! No cheating, no talking, and when you’re finished calmly bring your exam to the front of the class and then you can leave.” Heather= “Ooooooooh.....” Ms. Mar= “Eh? What’s wrong?” Heather= “Oooowwww.... my stomach...” *Heather takes the cowards way out and fakes a sick stomach. She is sent to the office, but on the way there she takes a detour out of the school and into the parking lot where she waits for the buses to come. People gradually begin showing up outside of the school and after two hours Shannon, Heather’s best friend showed up as her fourteen year old self.* Shannon= “My god, I know I failed that test!” Heather= “Shannon...?! Is it really you?! *Rushes forwards and gives Shannon and huge hug.* I can’t believe it! You committed suicide after Orlando Bloom rejected that slash story you sent him! He sent you a letter calling you the biggest pervert he’s ever heard of along with a restraining order! You were so upset, but I’m so glad you’re alive!” Shannon= “What on earth are you talking about? Are you on crack?” Heather= “No! I’m perfectly seri-- wait... yeah, it was all a joke! Thought it up during the exam, would be the best way for you to go, hehe! I nearly burst out laughing in the middle of the exam!” Shannon= “Ah... very funny... So, how d’you think you did?” Heather= “Huh? Oh, I... er... I think I failed.” Shannon= “Don’t we all!” *Suddenly everything gets brighter and she is suddenly in eternal whiteness. Her body is back to her 26 year old self, with the gashy and bloody head.* Cayley= “So, how’d it go?” Heather= “Well, I didn’t see any other way out of it, but I guess I avoided having my brain combust!” Cayley= “So, ready to check out your future? Ready to go back to your present and see how things are going?” Heather= “Heck yeah! Bring it on!” *Cayley flashes Heather a wicked smile before another blinding flash rocked her senses and she found herself standing in a small rather insignificant set of quarters somewhere on the Enterprise.* Heather= “Oh my god... I’m back on the Enterprise! *tentatively feels her head* And my head’s okay! I can’t believe it! I’m alive!” *She bounces around the room and heads for the door, where there’s a mirror. She stops.* Heather= “Oh my god...I’m a... I’m an Ensign?!” *Sure enough, Heather sees herself dressed in a peculiar set of Ensign greys, the type that a familiar face used to wear..* Heather= “*screams* OH MY GOD!! I’M ENSIGN CRUSHER!!” *She screams and runs from her quarters, sprinting down the hall, periodically running into people walking the other way when a familiar voice comes on the intercom...* Ensign? Crusher= “*over intercom* Ensign Heather, please report to the bridge.” Heather= “*groan...*” *Heather makes her way to the bridge and steps out of the turbolift with a frown on her face.* Ensign? Crusher= “Oh, Ensign Heather. Thanks goodness you’re hear. I need a caddy.” *Ensign Crusher is no longer an Ensign. He was wearing a bright red uniform with four round beads on he neck... he was the Captain, the Captain of the USS Enterprise. He had a peculiar system of plastic cups placed around the bridge, and he was holding out a golf bag to Heather.* Ensign Heather= “Ensign Crusher! What’s going on here?” Captain Crusher= “Excuse me, Ensign?! I am Captain! How dare you speak to me that way! Now grab these bags and hand me that driver.” Ensign Heather= “...what...?” Captain Crusher= “That’s an order, Ensign!” Ensign Heather= “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...!” *Heather’s world goes white, and just as her present fades away she hears Captain Crusher muttering: “I’m gunna kill that girl... I’m gunna kill ‘er...”* Cayley= “*voice floats out of the whiteness* So how was that, eh?” Heather= “Cayley!! I’m going to kill you!! I can’t believe I became Ensign Crusher...” Cayley= “*appears before her* To the contrary, Heather. You did not become Ensign Crusher. You became Ensign Heather, the lackey to Captain Crusher.” Heather= “But... how...? Why? I’m Captain, I always have been and always will be...” Cayley= “Nope. You are forgetting, Heather, that you skipped your final Math exam. You grew up without a grade nine education. No one can become Captain on that record.” Heather= “But, I didn’t pass when my brain exploded. How come this is so different...?” Cayley= “When your brain exploded you were refitted with an artificial one. This brain came automatically equipped with a Highschool education. Don’t you remember? You no longer needed any highschool and you were sent straight off to the Academy after the surgery. Do you remember now?” Heather= “Oh.... yes... I remember.” Cayley= “And because you never got that highschool education, you fell through cracks in the academy and miraculously became an Ensign, serving your time as the personal servant of Captain Crusher. I think it’s a slightly better turnout then lying there dead in sickbay with a bunch of charred wire as what used to be your head. Don’t you think?” Heather= “No! I don’t think! *pauses... sorry for the pun* ...uh... I guess what I’m trying to say is I’d rather die in sickbay then live my life as... as... Ensign Crusher...” Cayley= “Hmm. Very well. I have allowed you the chance of a lifetime, to go back in time and become the person you want to be; and you don’t enjoy it. In fact, you’re not even thankful! How am I supposed to feel, going through all that effort making your life better? But, I guess I might as well fix things for you. I’m feeing merciful today. So... let’s see if you can make things right again.” *There is another blinding flash and Heather finds herself in Ms. Mar’s room at Hatzic Secondary, and Ms. Mar was speaking...* Ms. Mar= “...no talking, and when you’re finished calmly bring your exam to the front of the class and then you can leave.” *the math exams are passed out and Heather pours diligently over hers, and she starts to panic. She scribbles, she erases, her heart race increases and she starts to perspire. “I’m going to fail...” was all she could think about in her head, yet it was very humourous. “I’m gong to fail... and I’ll never have to be Ensign Crusher again!!”* *Needless to say, halfway through the test her brain spontaneously combusts. The room is splattered with bits of brain matter and her world again goes dark, all while she’s laughing raither hysterically.” Dr. Crusher= “NO! We’re going to lose her!” Riker= “Beverly, you have to do something! This is our captain!” Dr. Crusher= “There’s nothing I can... wait... her vital signs are coming back online...” Heather= “Bwrraggghhh....bwaaaghhh...bwahhhaha... haahahahaha.... Hahahaha! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!” Dr. Crusher= “She’s alive!!!” Riker= “Captain! Captain! Can you hear me?!” Heather= “Hahaha!! Riker!! Oh my god, Riker!!!! I’m alive!! I’m alive, hahahaha...” *Heather is fixed up and escorted to the Bridge where she is met by a cheer of her crew members.* Worf= “Honourable victory, sir.” Data= “Sir, may I express my happiness that you...” Heather= “Shut up data.” Ensign Crusher= “Oh god... she’s back?” Heather=“ Ah! Crusher! Come here, I need a caddy...” Ensign Crusher= “*scowls*” Heather= “Ah... it’s good to be back.”